all the things she said – chapter 11

all the things she said – chapter 11

Intro and notes: i told myself i wouldnt write today and yet here we are. not sure how many chapters are left of this, but as you can see this work is now part of a series meaning there will in fact be a sequel hehe anyway enjoy the chapter

“She stabbed you?” Ahsoka asks, a hand on her desk as she looks over at Sabine—now just in a sports bra and leggings she had in one of her lockers here, her stomach wrapped in gauze. It’s almost six in the morning and Sabine still hasn’t slept. Her mind lingers on the image of Shin crumpling to the floor after she left, blood on her lips and tears welled in her eyes. Sabine’s abdomen aches, but other than that, she survived the night mostly unscathed. Right now, she’s just exhausted and dying to know if Shin is okay or not. When Sabine doesn’t answer, she reiterates, “She stabbed you and you’re advocating for us to leave her alone?”

“Her hitting one of the few spots in the human torso that’s not fatal and causes minimal damage wasn’t an accident, Ahsoka,” Sabine explains with a huffiness to her tone, agitated from the pain and the lack of sleep. She smudged her story a bit, not wanting Ahsoka to know the truth about her and Shin. Ezra knew, but his lips were sealed. He also was not currently in the room to hear Sabine lie through her teeth, but she made it very clear that Ahsoka was not to know the extent to which Shin and Sabine were attached to one another. It would only complicate things, it would shatter Ahsoka’s trust in her. Her mind is clouded, maybe, with thoughts of Shin’s wellbeing and wondering where her loyalties lie, but her judgment is clear. 

Ahsoka sighs, running a hand through her dark hair before clasping them in front of her, taking a deep breath. “Not only did you end your deal with her without telling me, you dragged Ezra to D.C. to carry out the job anyway without my knowledge, with no inside information on Baylan or anyone, really, just to not even get the job done—but now you’re going to tell me that the one woman, who already hates you, was so pissed off because of you that she ran and told Baylan everything and almost got you killed. But she missed, so you want me to believe that she was letting you get away?” 

“I think she’s been questioning her loyalties longer than we think,” Sabine mutters. When Ahsoka spells it all out like that, it sounds absolutely ridiculous. But then again, Ahsoka doesn’t know everything. She doesn’t know the way Shin had held her face, kissing her with bloody lips, and yelling at her to get out while she still can. Shin saved her—clear as day. “I worked closely alongside her, Ahsoka, I was able to pick up on these things. She only went back to Baylan because I reneged on our deal and she didn’t have anywhere else to go.” 

That part she’s less sure of. It could have been Shin’s plan all along to spoil the job, feeding information to Baylan the whole time. Sabine hasn’t ruled that out, even though it hurts her to even consider it. She can’t close herself off to the idea that she’s been played, no matter how much she doesn’t want to believe it. 

“Sabine, when I put you up to this job, this isn’t what I expected,” Ahsoka reveals, plopping down into her chair and dropping her head into her hands for a moment, running her hands down her face before meeting Sabine’s eyes once more. “When I said get her to trust you, I didn’t mean for you to start trusting her, too.”

“I want to arrange a meeting with her,” Sabine mutters, the words almost a whisper as she tries not to shy away from saying them. The thought of a business meeting with Shin right now almost brings her to tears, but she needs clarity and she’s not going to get that in the field. “You don’t get it, Ahsoka. She saved me from Kallus. I didn’t tell you that, but she did. He caught me off guard at my apartment and he was two seconds away from burying a bullet in my head when she showed up. I called her and she came. That wasn’t the last time, either. Our first day in D.C, she pulled me out of an altercation with Thrawn, risking herself in the process. And now this.”

“And now this,” Ahsoka sighs, contemplating. “I want to trust you, Sabine. I’ll give you one more meeting with her to get her back on the Elsbeth job before I’m pulling you and giving it to someone else and we’re leaving this mess alone. The leak is dead, Hera is very in control of the situation with Baylan, and I will not hesitate to make sure you never have to deal with Shin again.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Sabine mumbles, feeling like a child being scolded in school, about to be sent to detention. 

“And don’t get stabbed again.”

A week later, Sabine finds herself at the Gaslight once more. She is seriously starting to hate the dress code requirements at these things. Her dress is a simple black with a slight sweetheart neckline, a tight bodice that hugs the tops of her thighs before a slit allows her a bit more movement, the fabric ending just below her knees. It’s not exactly the most comfortable considering she’s still healing from a stab wound, but she still feels better than she felt a week ago. 

She isn’t sure Shin will actually meet her, but she’d be an idiot if she didn’t at least try. She orders a martini at the bar before heading for one of the upper levels, needing fresh air. She steps out onto a mostly deserted balcony, knowing Shin will find her if she so pleases.

Sabine sips the drink and considers the events of the last couple of months. Part of her sincerely wants to believe that Shin feels the same for her, that Shin letting her go was not just an act of mercy, but an act of love. Maybe it’s foolish of her, but it’s been so long since she felt like this about someone, she can’t help but yearn for it to be reciprocated. 

She feels the air change, a presence settling in beside her. Sabine only looks at the cityscape below her, taking another sip of her drink and balancing it on the thick railing, waiting for Shin to speak. 

“Sabine,” is all she says, her voice a quiet whisper almost lost in the wind. When Sabine does turn to look at her, Shin is a sight for sore eyes. She looks less pale than she did a week ago, probably healing up from her wound better than she was last time they saw each other. Her hair is freshly done, roots white blonde where it falls beside her face. She’s wearing a dress  made of a deep-blue crushed velvet, off the shoulder sleeves loose around her arms as she grips the railing. “Is there a reason for this meeting?”

“Tell me why you let me go,” is all Sabine says. It’s not a question, nor does it carry the weight of a demand. Sabine’s voice is relaxed, her mind clear for the first time in weeks, eased by the presence of the woman next to her. “No lies, no games. You told me the next time you saw me, you were going to kill me. And then you didn’t. Tell me why.” 

Shin goes quiet beside her, but Sabine can see her white-knuckled grip clinging to the railing. “I did not want to go back to Baylan, but you gave me no choice.” 

“All I did was walk away. It was up to you to decide what happened next and you made your choice,” Sabine’s voice becomes more strained, gulping down the last of her drink before sighing. “I couldn’t trust you, Shin, and all you did was go and prove me right. Imagine how that must feel.” 

“I told him the job on Elsbeth was done,” Shin says, her voice a mere whisper. It would not be audible if the two women were not standing as close as they were. All it would take is a centimeter of movement before Sabine’s hand on the railing would cover Shin’s, but she does not dare move. “I knew you were going to try and follow through, but I told him you weren’t.”

“Bullshit,” Sabine scoffs. “If he thought the job was done, he wouldn’t have been there. You wouldn’t have been there.”

“He did not believe me. He knew I… grew attached to you,” Shin shudders, a shiver running down her spine as the cool night wind surrounds them. “So he forced me to supervise, to ensure you would not be there. He told me that if I saw you, I was to kill you.” 

Sabine bites her lip, a million different thoughts racing through her mind. “I want to believe you, Shin, but I’d be an idiot. All you have done is lie and—”

“You are a liar, too, do not forget so easily,” Shin bites, finally turning to face her. Her eyes are alight with something Sabine cannot read. “And I will not sit here and beg for forgiveness when you have not offered me the slightest apology. We had a deal, Sabine, and you fucked us last minute. Nothing would have gone wrong if you had just trusted me—”

“How could I trust you?” Sabine scoffs, turning to face Shin as well. “Because we were fucking? I was supposed to just hand everything over to you without the belief that you would take it to him? The minute things stopped going your way, look what you did, Shin. What we were—how I feel, none of that matters when you look at what happened. I was right to leave you before it bit me in the ass.” 

“Trust me?” Shin scoffs, a look of disbelief on her face. “I was the one who got us information on Elsbeth’s whereabouts, I got us to D.C, I helped you take out her puny assassins when they came after you. Me. I did that. All you did was take what you wanted and toss me aside like I was nothing. Even now, I still chose to save you. Baylan would kill me without hesitation if he found out I let you go that night. I have risked everything for you, Sabine. All I have asked for the entire time is for you to tell me the fucking truth. I did not realize it would be so difficult.”

Sabine is startled by the way she raises her voice, by the flurry of anger and hurt in Shin’s eyes. Tears begin to well in her own as she steps back, hoping to dim the piercing gaze being directed at her, but it does nothing to quench the roaring emotions turning her stomach. She knows Shin is right—she was dishonest about her intentions from the start. 

“The point of the job was to find a leak we suspected was feeding information to your agency. We chose you because we knew you were closest to Baylan. It was Senator Thrawn who ordered the hit on Elsbeth. I don’t know why, but I suspect she knows too much about things she shouldn’t so he was going to get what he wanted from her and then have her taken out, keeping his hands clean in the process. We found the leak, it was some rookie who wanted a better position and decided to search for it at your agency by becoming a rat. He’s dead. Ahsoka instructed me to get you to trust me, but she has no idea you and I were sleeping together, that was all me. And no, I didn’t… I didn’t start that between us to get information, I did it because I wanted to. Because you make me feel like I’m losing my mind and I needed to do something about it before I went crazy.  Is there anything else?”

Sabine is nearly out of breath by the time she finishes speaking, the information pouring out of her like a dam that finally cracked. If Ahsoka knew how much information she was spilling just for the sake of getting Shin to forgive her, she would be killed before she could even blink.

 When Shin says nothing, Sabine continues. “And yes, we were going to kill Baylan after Elsbeth to ensure his plans to sequester the Rebels were entirely ceased. I do not know if the plan was to kill you as well, but I can tell you if it was, I wouldn’t have done it. I couldn’t. You’re right, I haven’t been entirely honest with you and it’s unfair, everything about this is unfair. That’s all I can offer you now. This is the last chance I have to get you back on the Elsbeth job and if you walk away now, it’ll go to someone else and it’ll all be out of my hands. I don’t care about the money anymore, or the job, or any of it. I don’t care about any of it except for you.” 

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Shin finally croaks. The tears welling in her eyes are highlighted by the moon high in the sky. “I could take all of that to Baylan right now and ensure the Rebels are entirely squashed within the week.” 

“You could,” Sabine sighs, wiping her eyes. “But you won’t. Because I know you’re sick of this, too. So, do this job with me, Shin. Don’t go back to him. Stay with me and we can get this done and then—”

“Then Baylan is killed,” Shin sucks in a breath, averting her gaze. “Do you know what you are asking of me, Sabine? If I betray him, I betray myself. I betray everything I have known. And if you… if you are lying to me, if any of that is not a hundred-percent true, then I lose you, too. And then I am alone and this was all for nothing. To do this with you is to sign his death warrant and possibly my own.” 

Sabine shakes her head. She wants to reach out to Shin, to feel her skin beneath her fingertips, but she’s frozen to her spot. “I won’t let them touch you. I mean it. They’re the closest thing I have to family, Shin, they’re all I know, just as Baylan is to you. But if they were to touch a hair on your head, I don’t think I would hesitate to burn it all down. That is what I feel for you. My loyalty is to you, just as my heart is.” 

Shin is silent. She turns away from Sabine, back to the railing, hands gripping it tightly as her eyes focus on the skyline.

“We could run,” Sabine whispers. “We could change our names, fly to some foreign country and leave this all behind. We could make new lives, new stories, and forget all the lies and the blood on our hands. We could leave them to duke it out and get out scot free. I’d do it in a heartbeat.” 

“Jesus, Sabine,” Shin mutters, dropping her head as she curses beneath her breath. She turns to look at Sabine over her shoulder. “You say things like that and it almost—it almost makes me think we could do it. You know we can’t, though. We have to finish what we started. This mess is ours, it’s up to us to clean it up.” 

Sabine knows she’s right. Sabine is a lot of things, but she’s never been a coward. Maybe after—after Elsbeth and Baylan are dead, they can run away. They can retire, get out and live somewhere where their pasts can’t touch them. But not now, not as much as Sabine wants to. 

She dares to take a step forward, hand finding Shin’s shoulder. She presses close to her form, letting her lips drop down and press a kiss to the bare skin beside her hand. Shin shivers at the touch, turning to meet Sabine’s eyes. “This is a dangerous game you are playing, Wren. Even meeting with me was far too risky. Baylan would kill me if he knew I was here.”

“And yet you came anyway,” Sabine whispers, lips finding Shin’s skin once more. She takes up a position behind her, hands braced against Shin’s hips as her lips cling to her neck. It mimics the position they held the first time they slept together—at this club, nevertheless. A rush of emotions surges through Sabine as she reminisces, feeling the way Shin leans back against her, eyelids sliding shut. Sabine whispers against her skin. “Admit it, you can’t stop thinking about me—about us. I’m not the only one who feels this way. Through all of this, this is the one thing that’s been real. Me and you, Shin.” 

Shin turns around in her arms, forehead braced against Sabine’s as Shin hands find her cheeks. It’s a perfect parallel to their kiss last week, Shin’s shaky breath, their gentle touches. All it’s missing is the blood on their lips. Shin’s lips find hers easily, slotting into one another like they’re made for each other—and Sabine is starting to think they were. 

It’s a gentle, desperate kiss, ending too soon as Shin pulls back, taking a deep breath. Shin’s grip does not leave her, though. “New deal, Wren. We do this, we get the money, and we get out. No more loyalties, only to each other. If you have truly told me everything, which I want to believe so badly, then I will work with you once more.” 

Sabine nods fervently, pressing forward and capturing Shin’s lips once more, tears streaming more freely down her cheeks. Shin kisses her back, desperation laced with every movement from both of them. “I’ve told you everything I know. No surprises, not from me. You’re too important to me.” 

Shin’s breath stutters as she pulls back from Sabine, looking at her more fully beneath the moonlight. “You have ruined me, Sabine, you know? Completely ruined.” 

“Love will do that to you,” Sabine whispers, the confession weighted on her breath. She feels its heaviness in the air between them, a flicker of change passing across Shin’s gaze. Her hand comes up to cup where Shin holds her face, lacing their fingers together. “Let’s just finish this, Shin. Let’s finish it and be done. Then we’ll never have to worry about anything like this again, we can wash our hands of it and never look back.”

She can’t believe the sort of promises she’s making. Sabine, despite her general distaste for the job, knew she was good at it. Kallus had always told her she was born to be a killer. She thought she would die doing it, taking lives until she took her own final breath. But looking at Shin now, she sees more than that. More than a future coated in blood, coated in death and darkness. She sees a life built with Shin by her side. A life of peace. Of love. It’s foolish, maybe, but it’s enough to keep her going. 

Shin nods. “Okay. Then we have a deal.”

End notes and comment

This is the end of the chapter.